There are plenty of ways to sort people, as zodiac symbols, personality tests, and a variety of other cultural factors have proven. However, have you ever sat and really wondered what kind of appliance best fits your particular personality? Believe it or not, there’s an appliance that matches everyone in this world, no matter how strange they are. Here’s how you can know who’s who:
A Blender (or food processor)
People with blender personalities tend to make a lot of noise when they function; they’re going to work and they don’t care who knows about it. Shameless, efficient, and touch as nails, blenders rip through the chaos of adversity to create more uniform results. Just be careful if you ever need a blender to perform a task for you; if you don’t set them up right, they’ll make a big mess of whatever your goals were.
Some people are more like refrigerators. Unlike the abrasive drone of the blender, refrigerators tend to make a sort of relaxing hum that doesn’t immediately attract attention but the lack of which would imply that something has gone rotten. Refrigerator people keep things fresh and don’t allow good moments to spoil. They’re reliable and they keep your day going smoothly, but they definitely take a lot of energy to maintain.
Microwave people are maybe the most useful people in the planet, if not known for their incredible results. No, they’re not artists and they won’t blow you away with their creations, but they have your back for the day-to-day tasks that you just can’t get through your day without. For this very reason, the biggest mistakes that people make with microwave people is giving them the wrong problems to solve. They seem like they can do anything, but truly they’re only made for a select few tasks and can be dangerous if expected to perform past their duties.
Toaster people are simple; they do one thing, and they do it well. Copious options aren’t necessary when you know how to make something as beloved and flexible as toasted bread, so toaster people tend to make one thing that’s so good that it simply justifies their entire existence. You gotta love toasters, if not because you enjoy their simple pleasures, simply because they’re so gosh darn easy to replace.
Juicer people are extremely pushy, but only because they know the sweet victory that comes with hard work. They seem brutal when they’re ripping the people around them to shreds, but later those same people are cast into a more flattering light than ever before as a result of their being bullied by the proverbial juicer. That said, you can’t juice a walnut; juicers can do a lot of damage when those high expectations are directed towards the wrong people.
An egg beater.
Egg beater people are the kind of friends you keep around solely because you’re too lazy to accept that you don’t really need them. This is the most common of the personality types.